Gravestone Watching
by Sirius.Fan hp
Summary: James watches as the others love after his death. Death and sadness heavy.


**So this fic goes along with the other one- Green Eyes. It's helpful to read that first, but this can be a stand alone. Green Eyes and this fic are set in the same universe/ world, where James dies and Lily survives.**

**Quote: **_**none of us know the day of our death**_

**S.F (Sirius.Fan.hp)**

**(DISCLAIMER- these characters don't belong to me, the quote doesn't... sad)**

**O-O-O**

James was lonely.

He could watch them all, far below, but there was nothing he could do to help them, to comfort them.

It killed him to be so helpless. He wanted nothing more than to tell them that he was alright, it would be alright.

It went against the laws of nature to tell them that. Stupid laws.

None of them were here, either. James didn't want any of them to be here, but he had no one.

He wandered around in sorrow. He watched from above as the others grieved. He wanted to tell them that dying, it didn't hurt. When Voldemort killed him, it didn't feel bad. Like... falling asleep. Without wanting to.

If it had just been that moment, if James could have chosen to save Lily and Harry and that would be it, he would choose to die again. Anything to save the two most important people in his life. But that wasn't all that choosing to sacrifice himself was. He had to watch his best friends, his wife, his son. He had to watch them cope with the loss.

**O-O-O**

He saw Remus, who was awaiting the full moon. James could tell what he was thinking about.

He was thinking about the full moons to come. And those that had came. When James, Lily and Harry were in hiding, James couldn't help during Remus' transformations. But he had promised him he would when it was over. Now it was over.

James would never run through the forest with his mates again.

After they had graduated Hogwarts, Remus had known that their monthly adventures would decrease. With the war, and with joining the Order of the Phoenix, there wasn't much time to spare, and they were often on missions. But now they would never again run around. James was dead, and Wormtail... Peter, the traitor, was in Azkaban. If Lily had not survived, Sirius...

Remus was alone in his house. James knew that he had another mission coming up. They all did. The war does not allow time for grieving.

Remus was preparing himself for the other werewolves. His mission was to see what side they were on, and to report back to the Order.

This mission was indirectly part of the reason that James was dead. Remus wasn't around as much, and he was constantly surrounded by followers of the Dark Lord. When Sirius has decided that he shouldn't be the Potter's secret keeper because it would be too obvious, they had considered Remus but ended up deciding on Peter- which turned out to be a bad choice.

James watched from far away as Remus curled up, preparing for the transformation that was soon to come, and for the mission.

There was nothing James could do to help, or to ease his fears and worries.

**O-O-O**

James watched from far away as Sirius took care of his godson.

He watched him feel alone. James knew he felt alone, James always knew what Sirius was feeling. They had always been together, as one. When people talked about one of them, they talked about the other. It had changed, when James and Lily got married. But not much.

He missed his brother and he knew his brother missed him.

They had always been really close, from the first day on the Hogwarts Express, they were friends.

James has never really thought about being without Sirius. They had always been there to tease each other.

Sirius felt guilty. James could tell. It wasn't his fault, really.

Sirius couldn't have known that Peter was working for Voldemort. But he knew Sirius would blame himself.

And it was because of Sirius that Lily and Harry were alive. If he hadn't gotten there in time, Voldemort would have killed her, then the baby.

And if both Lily and James were dead, Sirius would probably be in Azkaban, instead of Peter.

Not even Remus had known about the swap in the Potters secret keeper.

If both Potters had died, Peter would have bolted. Sirius would have been blamed.

But it was Peter in a jail cell, not Sirius. And Sirius was taking care of Harry.

**O-O-O**

He saw Lily on the couch.

Her beautiful auburn hair was limp and unwashed.

Her eyes were empty and dull.

James wanted badly to reassure her that he didn't blame her, he didn't mind dying, if she lived.

But he knew how she feeled. If she had died, and he had survived, he would have wanted nothing more than to have her alive.

He wanted to tell her it was alright, to help her be happy.

She needed to be strong, for Harry.

James just wanted her to be okay.

He saw how every photo of him, of them, brought her to tears, and he wanted her memories of them to be happy, not to make her cry.

But perhaps it was to early. She deserved time to grieve, to come to terms with the loss.

He hadn't needed to die. Voldemort killed him because he was in the way of Harry. He didn't even get to Harry.

If James hadn't been there, would Harry be alive? Would Lily?

Maybe.

Maybe not.

Maybe his death wasn't necessary, maybe it was. But that's how things were.

And he hoped Lily could be happy again some day.

He wanted her to be.

**O-O-O**

He watched the _rat_ as he sat behind his bars.

As the dementors passed along.

He hoped he was regretting his decision.

He most likely wasn't. 

James wondered how they never thought _anything_ of the fact that his animagus was a rat.

A person's animagus, and their patronus form, reflected their soul and who they are.

James wondered if, as Wormtail, he could escape. The bars were not meant to contain a rat, only a human.

Maybe one of the others told people, but then they themselves would be in Azkaban for being illegal Animagi.

He hoped, that someone had found out.

And rat-proofed it.

If Sirius was stuck in this cell, he couldn't escape. Padfoot was a big dog, and would never fit between the close set bars.

But Sirius wasn't trapped, the rat was. And James hoped it stayed that way.

**O-O-O**

James was lonely. He could see everything below him, but he could speak to them.

It was torture. He saw them struggling, and there was nothing he could do about it.

People always said James was the mother hen of the group.

He would make sure they stuck together.

They said he would have made a good Hufflepuff.

James was happy as long as his friends were safe, and happy.

They were safe. 

But not happy.

**O-O-O**

**Hey guys! Would love feedback, please, or opinions on this fic.**

**Especially on the Sirius part, I wasn't very happy with how that turned out. If anyone could offer any feedback, that would be SUPERB.**

**Please also read Green Light, my other fanfiction, and give feedback.**

**Until the next time I manage to write another fic— did anyone notice, this one is longer than the other!!!**

**-S.F**


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